Hand-crafting Ceremonies

There are many occasions where we can bring ceremony into our lives, for example to enhance the significance of a special birthday, or to celebrate a rite of passage such as reaching puberty, menopause or retirement, although the ones we know best of course are weddings, baby naming and funerals. We are used to these last three being performed within the auspices of the establishment, usually a church or sometimes for a wedding at a Register Office, yet many people aren't drawn to a religious wedding, christening or funeral, although they want more than the local Council Office can provide.

It seems to me that it's time for us to start crafting our own ceremonies - this can be a hugely empowering experience and can turn an otherwise prescribed and sometimes impersonal occasion into one of enormous creativity and one which will be remembered forever.

An alternative wedding ceremony or ‘Green Blessing' can either follow on after the legal bit at the Register Office, or indeed stand on its own, as in a Handfasting. Taking this route enables the couple to create exactly the ceremony they want, using their own words, in the place of their choice, with the help of a celebrant. This might be inside or out, in a local hall, in a field, park or woodland, under a special tree, or near a river, lake or sea... and can more easily encompass the playing of music, singing, home-made decorations, guests camping nearby, etc.

As they speak the words they have carefully chosen together for their vows, the couple feel a sense of empowerment in the strength of their meaning, which all adds to the bond they are creating together. And all this in a specially selected place, witnessed by their family and friends, helps to create a strong sense of commitment. It also gives the guests plenty of opportunity to join in with activities, especially with preparing the space in advance and contributing to the proceedings with readings, music, song etc. There are lots of possibilities, all helping to build a sense of community or tribe.

One ceremony I presided over, held in a beautiful woodland glade, had the groom and best man arriving by tandem, and the bride and her mum by cycle-rickshaw, after their visit to the Register Office. A friend played gentle harp music as they made their way through delightfully decorated hazels to the simple shrine we had created in front of a tree. Here they exchanged their vows and later their rings, in front of their families and friends, some of whom came up to read a special piece of prose or to sing a song. Even the sound system was solar-powered! Guests held up garden tools, or joined hands to make a tunnel of love for the happy couple to run through afterwards. It was a truly special occasion.

Reclaiming ceremony for ourselves can be a creative and extremely empowering experience. It is a gentle way to remind ourselves to re-introduce spirit into our lives and our communities, without the limitations of formal religion. I recommend it!

I'm willing to create ritual for any occasion: I've recently buried a dear and ancient aunt, and I have another wedding coming up soon. I've worked one-to-one with people who find themselves at a crossroads in their lives, and have helped a friend to create a mother-blessing before she had her first baby. A friend helped me devise a Croning ceremony when I turned sixty; it was remarkable and felt extremely significant.

A group of us in Oxford are forming a cooperative to offer all sorts of ceremony and ritual. Jackie Singer (whose book Birthrites - Rituals and Celebrations for the Childbearing Years is due to be published by Permanent Publications in autumn 2009) focuses on the beginning of life .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), Tess Ward mainly concentrates on the endings - see her website www.tessward.co.uk - and I work with weddings and other mid-life events - although we are all adaptable. We intend to start up a joint website at some stage soon.

Margot Oakenby

Margot Oakenby lives in East Oxford, within a thriving community network. She is an active grandmother, member of the local Permaculture group, a keen dancer and is motivated by the wish to bring spirit into everyday life in informal ways. Ceremony and ritual have been part of her life for many years, and celebrating the Celtic festivals is central to her being. She has recently been enrolled by the local hospitals as Pagan chaplain.

Contact her at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

top photos (c) Margot Oakenby 2009

crocus photo (c) Sabrina Willekens

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